House Hunters: Double Sinks, Double Annoying

I don't know if I'm the only one, but I find the show House Hunters on HGTV to be absolutely hysterical. In fact, I watch it not because I'm interested in real estate, but because it's always good for a few laughs. If one is not familiar, House Hunters is exactly what the name suggests- it's a show that follows an individual/couple hunting for the perfect house. A realtor shows them three homes, they get all neurotic and dissect every teensy detail of each one, and they choose the best to buy at the end of the show. I think the reason why House Hunters is so wildly entertaining is because the people they choose to be on the show are absolute simpletons. To prove my point, I've compiled a list of the best quotes I have heard said on the show since I began watching:

"Ugh, I don't know if I like the color of the dining room..." (Because, as we all know, paint is impossible to change)

"I love the granite countertops!"

"I'm concerned that the backyard is not fenced in. How will we contain the children?" (Better question, why do you WANT your children to be contained?)

"I was really hoping for a gourmet kitchen with granite countertops."

"The open floor plan is really nice!... the bedroom is nice... lots of light... that will be nice in the mornings... the bathroom looks nice... and I'd say the closet is a nice size. All in all, the house is really nice." (Lady, they're called SUPERLATIVES! Someone, get her a thesaurus, PLEASE!)

"It's a great house, but I'm concerned that the master bedroom is not on the same floor as the kids' bedrooms... that might be a deal-breaker for us." (Um, why? Get a baby monitor!)

"The laundry room is VERY small... I mean, we have TWO children! We have a family of FOUR! I'm always doing laundry!" (And it takes how long to throw a load in the washing machine and exit the room?)

"This is my kind of kitchen... stainless steel appliances AND granite countertops!"

Could someone please enlighten me on American's obsession with granite countertops?!! Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think sparkly, cold slabs of stone take away from the coziness and warmth of a kitchen. Plus, they get all smeary when you clean them. But it seems as if every man, woman, and cocker spaniel looking for a house thinks they're the cat's ass!

The reason I bring this up is because although I'm not house hunting, I AM currently looking for a one-bedroom apartment, as my lease is up in May. In Marquette, gorgeous and accommodating as it is, affordable and lovely apartments are as just about as rare as hen's teeth. Last year, I lived in a darling, teensy one-bedroom in a delish location, but paid the price of a small child for it. I've lived in a two-bedroom for the past six months with my friend Bridget, but she's getting married this summer and alas, I'm back on the market for new digs. Why doesn't House Hunters come to Marquette and film ME apartment hunting? All they would have to do is do the work for me and present three choices that provide what falls within this short, simple list:

"Young professional looking for an apartment in the city of Marquette. Must have one bedroom, working appliances (bonus points if the stovetop has more than two burners, and is not the color olive green), and a bathtub (again, bonus points if not the color olive green). Must have plowed parking in the winter months, as I wake up too early as it is and will not be happy waking up an hour earlier to tunnel myself through snowbanks to get to work. Must be within a decent distance to work and Lake Superior. Wood-panneled walls okay, asbestos NOT okay."

Notice what IS possible to live without? Those dang granite countertops!