Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Dear Mr. President...


Dear Mr. Obama,

Your State of the Union address was dry as toast last night. In fact, I would rather have jumped through a meat grinder than listen to you prattle on about your ideas and what you consider our country's "handicaps." The U.S. falls 9th in the world for math and science scores? Guess what, you hosebag, we educate ALL children. I'd like to see your self-righteous, crunchy granola, liberal self get up in front of a classroom and teach kids who come to school with no winter coat, who haven't eaten in 24 hours, who don't have two parents at home, who lack the familial support to encourage them to do well and succeed. Or children who are reading three grade levels behind, haven't memorized their math facts, or have a disability/ies that may inhibit their learning. We educate them all. Mr. President? Do us all a favor and shut your pie hole about America's "lacking" education system. We do our best, and we don't suck. YOU DO.

Another thing, nice comment about how we shouldn't celebrate the winner of the Super Bowl, but rather the "winner of the science fair." You got a flipping standing ovation for that (but no one ever said members of Congress were intelligent...) What, exactly, was the intent of that comment? To touch people's emotions and make us feel all warm inside? My fifth graders could have wrote- and delivered- something more meaningful. You're talking down to us. I think it's time you bury your ego somewhere where no one can find it, start listening to the people of this fantastic country, and admit defeat at this Presidency.

Respectfully,
Emily Schmitz

P.S. No one cares that 98% of South Korea has wireless internet access. NOT RELEVANT. In fact, in regards to your speech, I'd like to file that under WTF?

... but I saved $1.00 on Cheerios!

Here's the dealio... I have a near obsession with using coupons these days. My roommate, my siblings, my friends, my co-workers, and total strangers have all made fun of me in one way or another, and I always laugh, because hello, I realize that this makes me a total nerd-bomber.

BUT! Make that a nerd-bomber who's saving TONS of money baby! So who cares? I'd rather swallow live bees than pay full price for anything like toothpaste, toothbrushes, shampoo and conditioner, or toilet paper ever again. However, I know things have made an embarrassing turn when I have multiple 10-year-olds who find my couponing fun ridiculously uncool. Case in point:

Fifth grader 1: "Ms. Schmitz, what is that?"
Me: "Duh, my coupon binder."
Fifth grader 1: "Wow... that's intense."
Fifth grader 2: "You really need a hobby."
Me: "HELLO!!!!! This IS my new hobby!!!!!!!"
Fifth grader 2: "Ever heard of sports?"

Fifth grader 3: "You mean you actually take that in the STORE?"
Me: "What's your point?"
Fifth grader 3: "Don't people look at you funny?"
Me: "Again, WHAT'S YOUR POINT?"

So sports hey? I might want to try one of those one of these days...

Friday, January 14, 2011

My Week in Review

Things I have Learned in the Last Seven Days:

1. I love Post-it notes, a lot!
2. Curling up in the fetal position on the couch and shivering under an electric blanket for 48 hours really isn't fun. However, it WAS a lot better than being in school, which leads me to my next point...
3. Kids are germy! I had the flu for two days earlier this week, and now I have a flipping cold. Even though colds are more fun, shoot, they don't warrant missing school. Which leads me to my next point...
4. Missing school and watching hours and hours of daytime TV while drinking Sprite is so fab.
5. Hulzy posted pics from Afghanistan and he looked soooo delish! (I guess that's something I already knew, I'm just re-emphasizing it).
6. Standing on a chair and shouting about how much I love (and that we should ALL love) capitalism kind of scares 10-year-olds. Maybe next time I should take a different approach?
7. How much my heart hurts and goes out to the victims' families in Tuscon, AZ.
8. Couponing = love. My nerd-bomber coupon binder = love love. Having another non-married, twenty-something-year-old friend who has her own coupon binder and loves it shamelessly like I do = love love love.
9. Winter Carnival is now officially less than a month away!
10. I like peanut butter. Okay, I already knew that too, but my brain cells are lacking, all because of the fact that I bravely (and mistakingly) decided to read the North Wind this morning. Oops!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Ben Dover


Real conversation that took place today at school:

Student: "Miss Schmitz, I can't think of any creative names to use for my Social Studies essay."
Me: "Use your imagination!"
Student: "Harry Leg?"
Me: "Um, no."
Student: "Ben Dover?"
Me: "Aaaaand that would be a no."

Yep... school is back in session :)