My Marquette

To my Bridget Card

The time has come, the walrus said, to move once again. This will be my sixth Marquette apartment in six years.

While moving into a new apartment is always delish and exciting, this time it comes with a teensy bit of sadness too, as I have been living with my friend Bridget for the past nine months. And who would want to live in a ghetto fab apartment with anyone but Bridget? She has protected me from months of loneliness while my James is in A-stan, AND from neighbors crazier than a chicken coop on fire. She understands- and appreciates- the therapeutic magic of ice cream, HGTV, and the words of Ron Swanson. To make it clear how much I will miss her, I have compiled a list of my fave memories of the past few months:

- Two words: granite countertops.
- Megan, all alone in the apartment, hiding from the neighbors under my bed.
- SCARY ransom notes from the neig- waaaait, I mean Cora.
- The only creature that requires more attention than me, Tigger.
- Tigger barfing in your bedroom.
- Christmastime and a gazillion paper snowflakes.
- Sarah Palin's Alaska.
- Every Girl Should be Married!
- And... your subsequent engagement :)
- Snow drifts in front of the mailbox.
- Girlz Weekend 2011, 5,000 Oreos, and snowshoeing Mt. Marquette.
- Bridesmaid dress shopping in the Bay of Green.
- "Eat Arby's Foooooooooodddd... it's GOOOOOD MOOOOOOD FOOOODDDD!"
- Parks and Rec
- Cora: "I STILL OWN YOU BOTH FOR 15 MINUTES!"

I know there's a million more memories I will cherish forever, but this list will suffice as a reminder of the silly times spent in that teeny tiny apartment on Longyear Avenue. Even though it didn't have stainless steel appliances (oh yeah... it didn't have windows in the living room either) it wasn't so bad after all :)

Then...

And now...

Oh... em... shoot.

This week, I was approached after school by an colleague whom I respect very much. This person advised me that it would probably be best if I stopped saying "O-M-G" (or, oh. em. gee!) in front of the kids. I almost laughed because I thought she was joking, until she very seriously told me that it is wrong to take the Lord's name in vain in front of children.

Oh. So she wasn't joking.

I thought I'd be more annoyed, but I'm not because she had a very valid point. I do say the phrase a lot, and I have always thought/intended it to mean "Omigosh!" in a fun, abbreviated form. I don't want people to think I mean any differently, so I decided that very day that I was going to turn this into a personal challenge. Emily Schmitz is officially going to stop abbreviating common words in her vocab, for realz. This means no more...

- Oh. em. gee!
- Fab
- Delish
- Condish
- Comersh
- Profesh
- Loves it
- BF
- Fo' (this is the number four... it comes out a lot when I'm teaching math)

In two days, the kids in my classroom have already caught on to the changes. You should never underestimate the power of observancy in children. They catch on to ev.ery.thing. They notice when I sprout zits, when I need a Diet Coke, or when I'm having a bad day (but that's easy, because my bad days are the ones when I do NOT jump on chairs and serenade them with songs from Glee). This conversation took place yesterday:

Me: "OH. EM... I mean... shoot... OMIGOSH!"
Students: "Why did you do that?"
Me: "Do what?"
Students: "Correct yourself."
Me: "I didn't."
Students: "Yes you did! You said 'omigosh.'
Me: "Um. So?"
... blank stares...

I told them about my personal challenge and that I was finally going to enter adulthood and speak like a professional. They got all philosophical and cute and I felt like I was in a therapy session run by 10-year-olds:

"But Ms. Schmitz, your vocab us what makes YOU, YOU!"
"It's boring when you talk normal."
"Only OLD teachers say full words."

I have to admit, those are insightful things to say. What if my choices of words ARE what makes my personality the way it is? What if I LIKE shortening any words that end with "tioner" or "mmercial" or "ssional" to a "sh?" Is it really so bad? Maybe there won't be a time in my life that I am successful in making changes in my vocabulary. And someday, when I'm an old, crinkled 90-year-old woman, I hope I am still saying that dinner was absolutely DELISH, thank you very much. That would just be fab.

Rambo

Today I am resurrecting a YouTube video taken at my grandparents' farm in the summer of 2008. I still find it flipping hysterical!

Time Machine

Me: "I need to build a time machine before next week."
Student: "For what?"
Me: "Duh. Our classroom colony."
Student: "What do we need to get for it?"
Me: "Well, we need a flux capacitor..."
Student: "And where might we get one of those? I mean, it's not like we can run up to Ace and get one."
Me: "I'll think about it. What kind of fuel should it run on?"
Student: "Well, the time machine in Back to the Future ran on uranium, but you could make it run on Diet Coke!"

Again... daaaang these kids are smart ;)

Wisconsin: The Feeding Trough has Run Dry!

Dear Wisconsin,

Are you all really still crying about losing your collective bargaining "privileges?" And Wisconsin Senate Democrats, did you all REALLY dismiss yourself from work and leave the state to avoid the vote on this important bill? (Let's be clear: you're trying to AVOID voting. Democrats escaping the democratic process... hmmm...) And Governor Scott Walker, where have you been all my life!?

Here are my thoughts, directed especially at Wisconsin teachers: Do us all a grand favor and stop whimpering about your unions breaking up. It's about flipping time. You chose to work in the public sector, so go back to work and perform the service you were hired to do, and that is teaching our nation's children. If you don't like the idea of not being "protected," just do your job well, and you won't have to worry. Lesson of the day: unions cripple education.

During Social Studies one day last week, the kids and I compared and contrasted the mess in Wisconsin to the copper mining union strike of 1913 in Calumet, Michigan. We talked about the need for unions then, and how things are different today. But most of all, in terms that children would understand, we talked about the fact that the states are flipping broke. If the those working in the public sector can tell me how the state can build its economic strength WITHOUT breaking the power of the unions and taking concessions, then I welcome it. The truth is, you can't. One of my little students said, "So this thing in Wisconsin is like if you want to buy something expensive, but you don't have the money to pay for it, so you end up buying it with credit card..."

Workers of Wisconsin, just look at how dang smart these kids are, making the connection. YOUR kids are watching you and the way you're reacting to the current situation. If this bill passes and you take a pay cut and pay a little more into your pension and health benefits, your state- and the future of these children- will be a little more sustainable that it has been. Be responsible adults, learn to live within your means, and set good examples for these kids and the rest of the country.

Sincerely,
Emily Schmitz

P.S. You guys won the Super Bowl and now this? Can you guys just stay out of the news for awhile!?!!

Sarah Palin and Emily Schmitz = BFF! (Almost)

Ladies and Gents! The most amazing, earth-shattering, spectacular thing happened this weekend, at the finish of the Iron Dog snowmobile race in the great state of Alaska. According to Wikipedia, the Iron Dog race is the world's longest off-road snowmobile race that extends 2,000 miles across Alaska. Sarah Palin's husband, Todd, competes in the race every year and is a four-time winner. Loves it!

So how does this story pertain to yours truly? I wasn't there, but my lovely college roommate from freshman year, Bethi, was. She lives in Alaska (lucky duck!) and was waiting at the finish in Fairbanks to watch her cousins's husband win the race. And guess who else was there? My fave Conservative/Tea Partier/former mayor/former governor/Fox News political commentator ever, SARAH PALIN!

The best part was that Bethi was right in front of her! I can only imagine what I would have done if I was standing five feet in front of the most delish politician ever. (When I was in college and Lance Bass came to campus to speak about the music industry, the event people passed me a microphone so I was able to DIRECTLY ask him a question. This prompted me to wig out, flail my arms, hyperventilate, and as a result was barely able to sputter out my words. The worst part was when I read the newspaper the next day and the reporter who covered the event mentioned me in his article, mistakingly assuming that I was 12-years-old. I was 19! Maybe he meant I was acting like I was 12?!) Anyway, the point is, I embarrassingly flipped out that much over a highlighted, gay boy band star from the late '90s. If I was standing in front of Sarah Palin? I would have been dragged away by security, I'm absolutely sure of it.

Bethi (again, that lucky duck!) went up to Sarah and explained that she has a friend who LOVES her, and told her that I even mention that girl-love in my blog address. She asked if she could get a picture, and voila! HERE IT IS! Taken minutes after Bethi mentioned ME, Emily Schmitz, to Sarah flipping Palin. Bethi, thank you soooooo much! (And if you ever run into her again, can you ask if she's looking for a guest star on the second season of Sarah Palin's Alaska?!?!!?!!!)